Blame It On the Bats In My Belfry
by CatarinaLopez
Summary: Joker DK-verstion /Batgirl - Joker loves a challenge, and the fiery red-headed Barbara Gordon is quite the exceptional puzzle. What better to take from Batman the few things he has left? But just how much will the little bat get under his skin?
1. Congratulations! It's a Boy!

Naturally, I don't own anything, lol. Batman, Joker, Batgirl, all up-coming characters are property of DC. Sorry if it's short, I'm terrible at intros, more to come soon! Oh, and don't worry, I don't do mushy Joker lovefest, he's a bastard and we all know it. Rated M for swearing, violence, and who knows what else.

* * *

_There's something that I just got to say to you  
These are the worst times that I ever knew  
And all my troubles are because of you  
And your pathetic crew_

_Every time I see you on my TV screen  
I wanna' disappear or run and scream  
And your existence is the worst bad dream  
that I ever knew_

_Everybody say  
Hey, clown  
We're gonna' put you in the ground_

- Hey Clown by Firewater

* * *

I always liked the moments when Gotham was quiet - quiet as a city could be, anyway. When it was just people and cars and swearing, no guns and no explosions. Simple, city sounds.

Always interrupted.

I shifted my weight as the crunch of breaking glass trickled from the alley to my left, a break-in, more than likely. Duty calls, at all hours.

Without a sound, I slipped from the ledge and onto the ground, a darker and larger shadow landing neatly beside me. Quickly, but silently, we moved towards the noise of murmuring and cussing - I knocked a strand of fiery red hair out of my face with a huff of annoyed air. It was 3 in the morning, and here I was, slinking through a back alley like a hobo. I should be asleep, I had so much paperwork on my desk, untouched. Going to me hours to finish tomorrow.

We found the broken window, glass littering the ground, without trouble. Strangely, though, we couldn't hear murmuring anymore, or footsteps. With practiced ease, I sailed through the empty window, rolling and crouching with barely a scuff. Even still, he moved quieter, somehow, signaling me to stay behind him. Typical, girls always need protecting right? I rolled my sapphire eyes at his back, slipping my hand over a Batarang, just in case.

Voices, men, by the sound, whispered down the hall, and we made quick work of sidling up to a closed door, listening intently.

"So, yeah, that's the whole deal. "

"Seriously? Dude, I didn't sign up for all that shit, I just wanted to make some extra cash."

"Well, shit, what do you want me to say, sorry? He knows all our names, guy's got a damn good memory, and we have to show up."

"But…why is he back? Why now?"

"Look, I don't know, just, be there, alright? All of you - I dunno' what would happen if we didn't, but my hands are officially clean, I let you all know. So, up to you. I wouldn't try to cheat a madmen, just saying."

Fingers made their way into my peripheral vision, counting down from five, and I sunk low on tense legs, waiting. As the black gloved fist closed, heel met door and we swarmed in, the group of men swearing as they struggled to get up from chairs, pulling out guns and knives a-plenty.

"Fuck, it's Batman!" one yelled, firing terrible shots that sailed way over my head. Batman lunged at him in particular, and no one could miss the sickening crunch as the thug disappeared into a mass of cape and muscle. Keeping up the pace, I spun on my heel and cracked one guy across the face with my reinforced boots, blood and teeth dotting the floor. Another one tried to swing at me, and I deftly ducked under and greeted his nose with my palm, followed by a kick to the man parts.

The rest ran, but to my surprise, Batman didn't leap after them, even grabbed my arm to stop me from doing it - instead, he picked up the last guy I dropped by the front of his bloodied shirt, lifting him clean off his feet.

"Who's back?" Batman growled, shaking the half-conscious man for emphasis. The guy tried to laugh, or something, just ended up coughing and spitting red on the floor. Batman sighed, though when he did it sounded more like a snarl, "Check his wallet."

Lost, but curious, I reached into the man's back pocket (definitely not a pocket I wanted to reach in, by the way), and carefully opened the cracked, brown leather wallet. Business cards, gum wrappers, condoms that had never seen the light of day, and…a card. Batman pulled the card out, dropping the loser to the ground, who scurried off after his buddies.

"Is that…" I started, trailing off more out of want for not saying, rather than effect. The big guy exhaled a whoosh of tense air, holding up the card for me to see.

A Joker.

"He's back."

. Morning.:.

"Babs, can you get this for me?"

I stopped a few steps past the Commissioner's door, walking with a sigh backwards until I could see the man himself, phone on either ear, with a folder held in an outstretched hand. Crossing the room in a few strides, Gordon smiled gratefully as I took the manila nightmare (as I called them), and I flashed a light-heated glare - he laughed, knowing I didn't mean it. If anything, I wish he gave others more work, poor 'ol Dad was going to die in a mass of paperwork and phones one day.

As I left his office, I glanced down at the folder, my heart sinking - another one. Another old Joker file - every station in the city had been digging out their old stuff as Joker cards turned up all over the city, in the pockets of his old henchmen and co., a very bad omen.

No one had scene the Clown himself in 3 years, we had all hoped he'd have disappeared. Looks like not.

I had never been up against the purple suited man, Bruce hadn't started teaching me the ways of Batman'ing it till a year ago, and he had just started letting me go out on patrols with him a few months ago. The media called me "Batgirl", how lame is that? Ah well, could be worse, I suppose. What did they call that burglar lady, Catwoman? Gotham comes up with some strange names.

"Ms. Gordon, a moment?"

I looked up to see Alfred, in the station of all places, standing beside my cubicle. My eyes darting around the room, I gestured to the door, biting my lip nervously.

"They just let you march in here, Alfred? Isn't it odd for Bruce Wayne's butler to be hanging out with the police?" I questioned, only stopping once we got outside and onto the sidewalk.  
"You know I wouldn't of come unless it was important, " he replied with a smile, sticking his hands into his jacket pocket. Was cold, should of worn a coat myself.

"Mr. Wayne…Barbara, you've been such a help to Mr. Wayne. I know it's hard for you, juggling working for your father, and then your…other job. But, with you know who back, I don't know if…I don't know if Batman can do it again. I don't know if he can take it again. Joker took from him last time, took so much, he almost took everything. I need you to be careful, and watching, and to be ready for how this may turn out. It isn't going to be pretty."

"I know." It's all I could say, all I could promise.

He nodded, hailed a taxi, and left - I went back inside.

I barely got a foot in the main office before every television in the building, which we always kept on the news, flickered out and came back on, showing a dusty, concrete-walled room with a "Congratulations! It's a boy!" banner in the background.

A familiar face walked onscreen, and somewhere in the building a coffee cup dropped and smashed, along with gasps and the screech of pushed back chairs.

"Gotham, Gotham - guess who's back!"

My phone buzzed, and I had a super-delayed reaction before I snatched it off my desk and flip it open, barely registering it was Bruce calling.

"Are you watching this?" he asked hurriedly, the gruff edge to his otherwise smooth voice showing who was really driving the mental-Wayne car right now. I breathed an affirmative noise, unable to look awake from the TV just like every other person in Gotham right now.

"I know you've all missed me so much - especially you, Batty-boy! And I couldn't just ignore my most adoring fans, now could I? What kind of circus show would I be, huh? So! In honor of my return, I got you a little present! I'm a good guy, I know, I shouldn't have, you're welcome!" the man on camera rambled with a laugh, running a purple-gloved hand through his greasy, green-tinged hair, tongue darting out over red-painted lips, "So, here you go - honey, I'm home!"

The transmission cut, black screen perfectly in time with an explosion that rocked the floor - naturally, my own coffee jumped and clattered the floor before I could catch it, spilling lukewarm brown all over my green shirt.

"Fan-fucking-tastic." I growled, my cell quiet, mainly because Bruce had hung up - I snapped the phone shut and rushed to the window everyone was gathered around, the street outside smoky and...raining?

It was raining Joker cards.

* * *

_Ashes to ashes and dust to dust  
Buildings and dreams dissolve into rust  
Now all the flowers are turning brown  
Cause the circus is coming to town  
Cause the circus is coming to town _

- The Circus by Firewater


	2. Cold Shoulder and Exploding Dolls

I don't own the characters, etc. Sorry there isn't much Joker yet, J and Babs will definitely meet next chapter. :]

* * *

_While there's children to make sad_

_While there's candy to be had_

_While there's pockets left to pick_

_While there's grannies left to trip down the stairs_

_I'll be there, I'll be waiting 'round the corner_

_It's a game. I'm glad I'm in it_

_'Cause there's one born every minute_

_And it's so easy when you're evil._

_- _When You're Evil by Voltaire

* * *

The station was in a panic worthy of a circus, papers flying and people shouting - I _was_ a cop, badge 'n all, but Mr. Dad the Commissioner kept me in the office as often as he could. Not today, I growled to myself, shaking off the coffee-stained green button up as I snaked my way toward the main door, down to a black shirt and white camisole. My badge was in my purse along with my gun, which I made sure to take with me.

Thankfully, I made it out on to the street without incident, just a few bumps and stumbles through the constantly whirring mass of people.

Cards still fluttered down, the ground coated with them, and it took me a moment to notice the limo that had cruised up next to me. With a quick look around, I yanked open the door and slipped inside.

"What do they know." Bruce asked without looking up from his laptop, the car easing off onto the card-covered street.

I frowned, "Oh, thank you Bruce, I'm okay, thanks for asking." I answered dryly as I pulled my mane of red hair up with a twisty. Bruce didn't even glance at me, just waited.

"Fine, be that way," I mumbled, taking Bruce's abandoned jacket off the seat next to me and slipping it on - was always damn cold in whatever he owned. "They don't know anything yet, they can't even tell where he was broadcasting from, and no one can find the original explosive. I wasn't in the station that long, so who knows what they've found now."

The car cleanly stopped and Alfred appeared at the opening door, waiting patiently - Bruce snapped his laptop closed and ran a hand through his hair. He looked tired and uneasy, tie loose and shirt wrinkled.

"Be careful, Bruce." I murmured as I climbed out, shrugging off the jacket as I went and handing it to Alfred - the police station loomed in front of me, only slightly less active, and I made quick work of the stairs as I headed back to my desk.

Somewhere else in Gotham, a man fiddled with a handgun, making all those watching him very, very nervous. After about ten minutes of awkward and tense silence, courage or stupidity caused one onlooker to open his mouth.

"What now, Boss?"

The gun stopped, the hands froze.

"What now?…Can't you just be content to bask in presence?" the man rose, gun changed out of view for knife, the watching circle back up. "What is with everyone, huh? What's next? What do we do now? Gotta' have a plan, all of you."

Mr. What Now barely registered the sudden lunge, got out a gargle before blade drew some red across his neck. Everyone kept stock still, looking at the floor, the walls, the ceiling - anything but the writhing mass on of the floor. The man flicked the knife free of blood, then dropped it back in his pocket.

"Any more questions?"

. Days Later, Nighttime - 11:43 PM.:.

"Slow down!"

I sucked in a whoosh of air that practically burnt my lungs, Batman's hulking form getting farther and farther away on the rooftops. Every night since Joker's smile lit up the TV, Batman hasn't been satisfied with just normal patrols, _oh no_. No, we had to haul ass all around Gotham till the sun came up, and I always lost Batman by the end of it. Had to find my way back to the "Bat Cave", as I jokingly called it, change and go to work.

I can't keep doing this, was killing me.

As I vaulted up yet another old, rickety fire escape, my eyes met a strange site on the roof, and involuntarily gripped a Batarang in alarm.

Batman was talking to Catwoman. Or, at least, I think he was - their faces weren't touching, but by damn she was wrapped around him rather tight.

Her eyes, a creepy, reflecting amber color, glanced over me, bored-like, then turned back to Batman as if I was never there.

"Everyone's being quiet, no one's talking. They're scared of him, B. I can't help you, wish I could," she purred, running a finger down Batman's cheek. He didn't move, just gripped her wrists lightly and untangled the cat from the bat. She growled, but let him, watching with a little too much interest as he turned and walked back to me, his eyes dark and unreadable.

"No one knows. No one knows anything." His voice was rough and deep, but also sad. He wanted to end this before it started, and that just wasn't possible.

Something in the distance made a _Snick! _noise, and then, of course - something smashed into my head.

My body flew several feet across the ground, two pairs of feet thudding and stopping next to me. But, no one bothered to flip me off the face and see if I was okay, they were too interested and what had just forcefully met my noggin.

Once the vision returned to my eyes, I slowly picked myself up off the cold cement, to see a…Oh my God, I had been dropped by a _doll_. A freakin' clown doll. The porcelain head was shattered, but the body was fine, "GOT YA" written in red across the front.

Batman snatched the doll up and actually helped me to my feet, Catwoman gone by the time we turned around.

"I guess he can see us." I mumbled angrily, holding the side of my head as it throbbed along with my heartbeat.

"And as usual, we can't see him." Batman answered, turning heel and walking back toward the Cave. Like a puppy, I followed, unaware of the intrigued hazel eyes staring at my back.


End file.
